Monday, May 3, 2010
Vet: "Hello, Pleasant Valley Animal Clinic."
Me: "Hi. I just wanted to call y'all to make sure that my dog is okay. He, umm...well, he just ate a cigar. "
Vet: "Excuse me?"
Me: "A cigar. He ate it."
Vet: "Ooookay. What size cigar was it?"
Me: "I don't know how to answer that...maybe a regular one?"
Vet: "A huh. And...did he eat all of it?"
Me: "Well, I caught him in the act, so he didn't quite get to finish off the plastic wrapper."
Vet: "So, he ate plastic too?!"
Me: "Well....some, yes."
Vet: "I'm gonna need to ask the doctor about this one. I've never known a dog to eat a cigar."
Me: "That would be great. Thank you."
Vet: "Okay. First, let's just pull up his records. What's his name?"
Vet: "M'am. Are you there?"
Me: "Yes. I'm sorry. I'm here."
Vet: "And what did you say his name is?"
Me: "I didn't. Yet. His name is....(insert eye roll here).....Smokey."
Me: "Yes, M'am. I know..."
Vet (insert suddenly extremely alarmed inflection): "The cigar wasn't lit was it?!?!?"
* No animals were harmed in the making of this phone call. Seemingly, Smokey actually enjoyed his afternoon treat (which, of course, was NOT lit). He tried to wash it down with a kitchen sponge several hours later.